Of all the many terrible effects that trauma has, the stripping away of your feeling of power has to be one of the worst. The trouble with being on the receiving end of any abusive behavior is that it can develop long-lasting feelings of guilt. It’s no wonder trauma and abuse survivors often struggle to piece their lives back together, even many years after the horror may have ended.
If you have some abuse in your past, you will be well aware of how much of an effect it can continue to have. It affects not only your relationships with other human beings, but your feeling of self-worth and your ability to handle stress. Similarly, your trust in others and your confidence in dealing with life head-on might suffer. But as we will see, it is important to always bear in mind as best as you can that all these factors can be worked upon, improved, and returned to normal. Unfortunately, it is possible that it may take many years in some cases. But there is always the next step to take, and that is where you should try to focus.
When someone has placed you with force into a victim role, it affects your thinking and makes you believe you are deserving of that role. So one of the first changes you might need to make is to overcome the victim mentality which been so unfairly placed on you. If you have been carrying it around for many years, it’s likely that this process will be a slow one, so be prepared for that and show yourself some patience. Ultimately, you are trying to re-learn the natural feeling of self-worth which everybody is born with and which we all deserve to have. The more that this feeling has been smothered, the harder it can be to uncover it again. But it’s still there somewhere, and that is your beacon of hope.
One especially useful tool as you progress along this journey is that of journaling. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, apprehensions, and fears is a good way of recording them so that you can get to understand them better. It is often the case that a journaling session will even uncover a feeling you weren’t sure you had. That can be both useful and a little disconcerting, and is one reason why you might also choose to have therapy throughout this transformation.
Above all, this is all about developing a survivor mindset. There are a few critical elements to that mindset which you might want to focus on. Remaining present is likely to be valuable for that. A regular meditation routine could help you remain present if you are struggling. You will also find it conducive to a strong survivor mindset to remind yourself of your self-worth. You can do that in many ways, and part of the process is uncovering those methods. For now, bear in mind that every time you focus on something good about yourself, you are scoring a victory over the perpetrator of your trauma. Every time you do this, you will feel a little more powerful and victorious, until one day, you will consider yourself a true warrior.
It is vital also to learn to express yourself, especially if you have been stifled in the past. The only way to really do this is to do it – in other words, start to express yourself in situations you might generally find difficult. Over time, you will develop this skill more, and that too will be a considerable win against your former abuser. Likewise, displaying greater and greater levels of trust in those around you will be a significant sign that you are improving, and starting to heal from your past.
Ultimately, you are looking to avoid blaming yourself for your past and to learn to live fully again. The survivor is not something you are seeking to become, but rather your innate nature, ready to come bursting forth into the world as a full expression of your selfhood.
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